The Secret to Successful Parenting – How to Stop Making Mistakes
Continuing from the previous blog, The Secret to Success.
In the previous blog I explained why the way we utilise Language is the reason why we continue to fail, both at an individual level and as a society.
The reality is that we have not been taught how to utilise Language in a way that is constructive and supportive. By default (the-fault) we use Language in ways that work against us. How many times do you find yourself making the same mistakes, over and over again? How many times have you tried to change certain things in your life only to find yourself unable to do it, no matter what you try?
Your Words, Your World
The key to create success in any and all areas of life lies within the tools that we utilise to build ourselves and our world: Vocabulary.
Every Word is a World. Your ‘world‘ is a reflection of your relationship to ‘words‘.
In simple terms, the ‘Formula for Success‘ is to speak and to express:
- The right words (the right meaning)
- In the right sequence
- At the right time
- In the right context
- In the right way
How is the formula applied in the context of Parenting?
Parenting is without a doubt the most important ‘job’ in the world – yet, it is the only one that does not require any preparation or training. Reaching puberty and having sex are the only requirements. This is accepted as ‘sufficient’ to to do the ‘job’, and for this reason we have a highly dysfunctional society – as the ‘sins of the fathers are passed on from generation to generation’.
Understanding and applying the ‘Formula for Success’ is already helpful to ensure many mistakes are not made.
A baby comes to the world ‘innocent’ – like a blank slate. This means that the baby is completely open to be programmed. The way the programming will take place is through the process of integrating words (symbols) and energies (emotion) that may be contained within the words. I explain this in extensive detail on my free e-Book called ‘The Superior Baby‘ which I suggest you download here.
Your Child, Your Creation
As a parent, every word you speak, the objective and subjective meaning of the word, as well as the emotion or feeling contained within it – all of this will determine how the baby or child is programmed. This means that children are a reflection of their parents – as a reflection of how effectively or ineffectively the parents have utilised the ‘Formula for Success‘
If within each interaction with your child you utilise the ‘right words‘ (which contain a meaning that your child is able to understand), and if you put them in the ‘right sequence‘, at the ‘right time‘, in the ‘right context‘, and if you do all of this in the’right way‘ (the ‘right expression‘) –> then your child will be ‘taught/educated’ (programmed) effectively.
Failing to Use the Formula for Success
- Hitting the child: this clearly shows the parent is completely unable to use Language effectively and believes that the only solution is to inflict pain as a way to stop or impose a certain behaviour.
- Becoming emotional: screaming/shouting; expressing anger, frustration, impatience, stress, etc. This shows the parent is not communicating the ‘right way‘. As such it will program the child with energies which he or she will then become (become the anger, stress, etc.) or will suppress it and only act it out when under pressure.
- Not being specific with the words and expect the child to ‘get it‘. This could mean not using the ‘right words‘ or not the ‘right sequence’. A question you may ask yourself is: do I mean what I say and do I say what I mean?
- Speaking the words ‘too late’ or ‘too early’- not at the ‘right time. This would be, for example, the child arriving at school and finding out that it is unable to focus, or has no sense of discipline or commitment. This means the child wasn’t taught these skills at the right time. The opposite can also happen, where the parent tries to impose a certain skill or behaviour on the child but he or she is not yet ready for it. This causes frustration within the child and loss of confidence and self-esteem due to the fact the child feeling ‘not good enough‘ / unable to achieve.
Parenting Common Mistakes
If you are a parent, I am certain that you can look at the ‘Formula for Success’ and identify where you made the mistakes. More often than not you’ll find that your greatest mistakes are derived from moments when you allowed your emotions to dominate you.
You will also find that your mistakes, in many instances, reside in the fact that you were permissive and allowed certain behaviours to continue because you ‘did not know what to do‘ about it. This means that you did not know how to change the behaviour by utilising the ‘right words‘, in the ‘right sequence‘, at the ‘right time‘, in the ‘right context‘, the’right way‘.
In other instances, you might only realise in retrospect that you made mistakes whilst being completely unaware of what you were in fact allowing within yourself and/or within your child. This means that you did not look objectively at the ‘words’ that would accurately describe the situation – and therefore you were unable to assess what was ‘really going on‘ to be able to make the necessary corrections.
Parenting: Beyond Spoken Words
This formula does not only apply to spoken words. Our actions are the expression of words. Most of what we teach our children resides within Who We Are.
As within, so without. What goes on inside us (thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions) is projected and seen within Who We Are. Therefore, our actions, behaviours, mannerisms, body language, and facial expressions are living words that reflect Who We Are.
Who You Are at each and every single moment can be described with words. As such, it is important to ask: ‘is my living application and expression aligned with the Formula for Success? Or am I allowing myself to say to my child – within my living application and expression – that it is ‘OK’ to waste my potential for greatness?’
The Apple Does Not Fall Far From The Tree
It should be obvious by now that being a successful parent depends on utilising the Formula for Success within each and every single interaction – spoken or otherwise.
It is possible to raise children in such a way that they virtually become ‘perfect humans’. For that to happen parents must be ‘virtually perfect’ within themselves and their interactions with the child. This is easier said than done, and that is why no one should even consider becoming a parent before doing extensive self-introspection and self-correction to ensure the least amount of mistakes are made – and if/when mistakes are made the parent is able to identify it and correct it accordingly.
Becoming a parent is accepting the greatest responsibility that exists in this world. It is a decision that ought to require extensive consideration and preparation – because the consequences of not understanding what it implies are destructive not only for the child and the parent, but also for society as a whole.
In the next blog we will look at how the Formula for Success is applied in other contexts.